February Fools!

In case you missed it, the Philadelphia Eagles proved once again that they have absolutely no idea what they are doing. After a few weeks of skirting around the question of their defensive coordinator position, almost as well as some politicians, it became abundantly clear on Wednesday afternoon that Andy Reid is losing control and is starting to resemble a gorilla with his head cut off. Reid named former offensive line coach Juan Castillo the new defensive coordinator yesterday. You may be asking yourself, who? Allow me to shed some light on the issue. Castillo is a former college linebacker, in Division II. He went on to play one season of professional football for the San Antonio Gunslingers, of the USFL. After 12 years outside of “pro” football he was hired as the Eagles tight end coach in 1997, then changed to offensive line coach in 1998. Have no fear; he does have three years of experience as defensive coordinator, for Kingsville High School in Texas; impressive, right?

Naturally, I had assumed that the Philadelphia Daily News would be all over this story with their snappy headlines on the back page, but it seems as though I was wrong. Today their back page was a picture of Andy Reid and the letters “WTF” strewn above him.

Subtle, no, but it gets the point across rather well. In an effort to help them out for future publications I have come up with some off-the-cuff headlines that the Daily News can use whenever the Eagles defense does something wrong, err I mean right. Oh, what the hell, they can be used either way.

1. Juan in a Million…Too easy? Ok
2. Last Juan Left Standing…I have to get these out of the way
3. Was There Only Juan Candidate Left?…Originality is sorely lacking
4. Here’s the Juan
5. Welcome to the Juan-Zone
6. From 32 to Juan
7. What was Wrong with Dick Jauron?
8. I’d Kill for Juan More Interviewee
9. Is Sean McDermott Available?
10. Is Jeff Fisher Available?
11. Seriously, Is Jeff Fisher Available?
12. That Offensive Line Looks Great!
13. Hey, Remember Buddy Ryan’s Defense?
14. It’s True, God Hates Eagles fans
15. Juan Chance Left For Andy

And, for good measure, five headlines you are sure to never see in reference to the Philadelphia Eagles under this regime:
1. Andy Reid is a Genius!
2. Reid, Castillo Coach Team to Victory
3. Eagles Defense is #Juan in League
4. Eagles Reward __________ with New Contract
5. Philadelphia Eagles Are Super Bowl Champions!

Love the column? Hate the column? Feel free to let me know, or send me a comment on twitter, @adamholman225

For even more sports media updated all the time ‘like’ the facebook page for The wHOLeMAN’s Slant

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: